Watts
by Seth Lover 23
Summary: Seth and Ryan get a clue about their attraction to one another.
1. Sparks

Ryan is losing as usual, video games being more Seth's forte than Ryan's. But he gets a kick out of how much Seth loves them, how he can be so focused and nonchalant at the same time. It's admirable; Ryan doesn't know how he does it. Seth's moving back and forth, mimicking the motion of his character in the game, and his shoulder presses against Ryan's. He shifts away from Ryan, but Ryan leans with him, pretending to be swaying with the game too, maintaining contact. It's just...cozy somehow.   
  
***  
  
Seth is walking away from the pool with Ryan and they're laughing -- some joke about the comic book they had both read, or maybe a joke about making a joke about a comic book. It was one of those perfect moments, where Seth felt totally at ease and, when he stopped to think about it, overwhelmed with his luck and joy at having found this amazing person, Ryan Atwood, who actually seemed to like Seth. More than that, he GOT Seth. Seth is grinning and laughing, and lifts his hand to toss it around Ryan's shoulder, an affectionate, brotherly slap on the back. But his damp arm against Ryan's sun-warmed back feels so good and right he just leaves it there as they walk into the house. It's not until they got to the door and Seth realizes they can't fit through the way they are, side by side, that he drops his arm. All of a sudden he feels embarrassed at his enjoyment of Ryan, and so covers by opening the door and bowing deep, Cotillion-style, and waving Ryan through first in a show of mock gallantry. He watches Ryan walked through the door, admiring his smooth, muscled back, just starting to get that Newport tan. God, what is wrong with me, Seth thinks, shaking his head as if to rattle the thoughts out into the fading evening sun.   
  
***  
  
Ryan is staring at Seth over pancakes at the diner. He's talking about the road trip again, the one he wants to take so desperately, but truth be told Ryan's happy to just stay right here in Newport for a while. He's finally got a stable home with no drinking or fighting, he's got parents who don't seem to be going anywhere, he's actually looking forward to a school that will challenge him, and of course there's the romantic attachment, the sexual desire for Seth. For Marissa! Did he just think Seth? What the hell is wrong with him lately?  
  
***  
  
Walking down the pier carrying his broken skateboard, Seth can't help but grin when Ryan skids to a halt in front of him on his bike. 'Hey baby, can I give you a ride?' he mock-flirts. 'Sure thing handsome' Seth kids back. But the way they are looking into each others' eyes and grinning during this exchange gives Seth pause. As does his eagerness to get on the bike. He holds onto his skateboard with one hand and hangs a finger in one of Ryan's belt loops with the other. He breathes in Ryan, smelling of laundry and the Crab Shack. He holds on a little tighter to Ryan's waist, enjoying the excuse to close the distance between them to mere inches.   
  
***  
  
Ryan was trying to make light of the weird feelings he's been having towards Seth when he tossed that goofy pick-up line at him. It felt good to laugh about it, and Seth played along, but now that he is on Ryan's bike and with his hand on Ryan's waist, his breath on his back, it has stopped being funny. Ryan grits his teeth and pedals back to the house, repeating to himself silently, "it's no big deal, it's no big deal." When they arrive in the driveway, Ryan jumps off the bike right away, and Seth sort of steps off more slowly, and the combination is less than graceful; the bike clatters to the ground. Seth stumbles a little, and Ryan grabs his elbow. Seth grabs Ryan's shoulder. They keep each other standing, watching the bike fall and when it stops bouncing around on the ground they look to each other. They stand there, staring at each other -- staring into each other really -- still holding on, for way too long. 


	2. Watts

Ryan and Seth had been looking forward to this weekend for a while -- Sandy and Kristen are both gone, from Friday night to Sunday night -- and they boys have been planning on a raucous Friday night together, and then Saturday Seth actually had a date with Summer planned. God only knows how he scored that.   
  
Anyway. No curfew, no chaperones, a big house and a pool -- the possibilities seemed endless. But now, with this knot of desire in his stomach that he couldn't ignore, Ryan was more terrified of the weekend than anything else. Because as much as he's been trying to ignore it, it's not going away. Every time Seth touches him, Ryan's world pauses while he savors the heat of Seth's hand, arm, leg -- whatever's making contact. Every time Seth laughs Ryan smiles reflexively. Every time Seth walks by Ryan stares. Every time Seth mentions Summer Ryan clenches his jaw. He's never ever had a crush on a guy before. But that, undeniably, is what this is. A crush, attraction, something like that. Something surely unrequited, and something definitely -- for many reasons -- inappropriate. Ryan's busy trying to think of how to get out of a Friday night alone with Seth when Seth arrives at the pool house door, grinning, carrying a shopping bag.   
  
He pulls out the contents -- a six pack. Again, god only knows how he managed that.  
  
"Now I figured, when we go out to parties, it seems to end badly, am I right?" Seth starts. "Sooooo, I'm thinkin', let's stay in tonight." He pulls out a couple DVDs from the bag too, and a new video game. "I know it's not a kegger with tanned women in bikinis, but sounds like fun anyway, right?" His eyes are sparkling, he looks so excited. Ryan has no choice -- he smiles.   
  
"Perfect," he answers, and gets up and follows Seth into the house.   
  
***  
  
The movie is at it's climax -- some silly comedy that of course involves a romantic twist, some couple who seem all wrong for each other, but their passion wins out in the end. Their ardent kiss segues into the closing credits. Seth's had 2 beers, and his face is a little flushed. Ryan, who had at first thought to abstain, gave in to his nervous energy about a third of the way through the movie. He's slammed 3 beers since then, and he's definitely feeling a bit lightheaded. Sitting inches away from Seth on the couch and watching that kissing scene is only adding to that feeling. He looks over at Seth and jokes, badly, "So was that what kissing Summer was like? A romantic explosion of two very different people realizing they are so right for each other?" Ryan notes that he's slurring, just a little bit.   
  
Seth looks at him, smiles unenthusiastically. "Yeah, I wish."   
  
Ryan lifts an eyebrow.   
  
"Well, I mean, she sort of took me by surprise. I wasn't really prepared, so it was kind of, well, bland." Seth pauses, exhales, sets his now empty beer bottle down. "And to be honest, even if I had been expecting it…." He trails off.  
  
"What?" Ryan asks.  
  
"Well, it's just that I'm not all that experienced in the world of kissing. In fact, that was--" he stops, embarrassed. Ryan looks at him; he knew Seth was inexperienced, but he didn't know he was THAT inexperienced. He speaks, to spare Seth the embarrassment of going on. He says the first thing he thinks of.  
  
"Well, there's not all that much to it, really. You just sort of do what you imagine would feel good on you." Seth stares at him, sort of blankly. "Start off light, don't just mash into her face. Use a little teeth, a little tongue. See what makes her gasp or moan or wiggle around a little and go with that." Seth is still staring at him. Ryan licks his lips. He's feeling a little reckless, a little bolstered by the courage of Corona, and he's on a roll. He sees how much farther he can go.   
  
"Uh, this might seem a bit weird, but we could, uh practice. I mean you could. Practice. With me." Ryan holds Seth's gaze to see exactly how weird Seth finds it.   
  
Seth is clearly floored. He sputters and looks away, but doesn't move from his spot on the couch. He shifts nervously, bringing them both into full awareness that their knees had been touching for a long time -- practically the whole movie. Seth coughs.  
  
"Uh, that's the gayest thing anyone's ever said to me." Seth tries to laugh it all off.  
  
"Come on man, you know I don't mean it that way," Ryan lies. "I'm just trying to help a friend out."  
  
Seth is still intrigued enough to stay put. "Well, what do you mean by 'practice'?" he ventures.  
  
Ryan's heart skips a beat. "You could, uh, kiss me. I mean, pretend I'm her. And I don't know, just … I'll give you pointers along the way." Ryan can't believe he's taking it this far. He feels like he's losing control of the night, of himself. God, he's not even really drunk. But he can't seem to stop.   
  
Seth stands up and paces around a bit. Ryan can see his mind going a mile a minute, but for once Seth isn't voicing his internal dialogue out loud. Ryan holds his breath -- he's not sure what he's wishing for Seth to say. Part of him wants Seth to utter a freaked-out, disgusted 'no' -- that would give Ryan the clear signal that Seth did not share this weird inappropriate attraction, and would maybe make it easier for Ryan to squash these feelings out of existence. But another much larger and more insistent part wants Seth to say yes, so Ryan has an excuse to taste Seth's Cap'n Crunch and Corona mouth, to run his hands over Seth's wiry body that Ryan is somehow sure is electrified. How else could Seth have so much nervous energy?   
  
After a moment, Seth stops pacing, faces Ryan and says, simply, "OK."  
  
It's Ryan's turn to be floored. He doesn't let himself stop to think about what a bad idea this is -- and there is a part of his brain screaming that -- but Ryan is sucked in by the dangerous, exciting, illicit, and irresistible wave he's riding. As casually as he can muster, he stands up and walks close to Seth. He clears his throat. His palms are getting sweaty and he is getting fidgety; he knows he'd better go through with it soon or he'll lose all nerve.  
  
"So, how do we do this?" Seth asks, as nervous as Ryan.  
  
"Um, ok, well, pretend it's the end of a date, and you're kissing her goodnight at her door." Ryan says. Seth looks skeptical at this Leave it to Beaver premise. "I don't know, something. Work with me" Ryan says.  
  
Seth gulps. He lifts his hand and then drops it, leans forward and then stumbles back a little. Ryan grabs Seth's hand, puts it on his waist. He puts his own hand on Seth's shoulder and pulls him forward. "Remember, start slow," he says.  
  
Seth hesitantly brings his face towards Ryan, jerking in fits and starts. Ryan's movements are perfectly steady and smooth -- he's abandoned himself completely to this moment. His eyes drop closed and his head tilts slowly, and his lips meet Seth's in the lightest brush. Ryan tries desperately to move slowly, to not scare Seth, to not scare himself. He sucks at Seth's bottom lip tenderly, then pulls back slightly for another brush against Seth's full lips.   
  
Seth leans back very slightly. "How was that?" he asks.  
  
Ryan can barely choke out words. "Very good," he says, trying to mask the throaty whisper his voice has become. "A little harder now," he says, and Seth presses his lips more firmly onto Ryan's, sliding his hand around Ryan's back a little as he does. Ryan melts into the kiss, and when Seth unexpectedly nips his lower lip with his teeth, he gasps involuntarily.   
  
Seth pulls back again, and this time Ryan could swear he's smiling or smirking. "Now what?" Seth asks, his voice a whisper too.   
  
"Tongue," Ryan says simply, and Seth returns to the kissing, and as Ryan parts his lips, Seth's tongue is there, hesitantly touching Ryan's own probing tongue. Ryan licks Seth's lips and then slides his tongue into Seth's mouth, exploring and dancing around; Seth responds enthusiastically. Ryan brings his had up to Seth's neck and pulls him closer.   
  
Any thought of not moving too fast slips out of his mind; Ryan is careening downhill without brakes. This kiss has taken on a frenetic pace, tongues intertwined, arms wrapped around each other, pulling each other closer. Ryan can feels the electricity -- 10,000 watts at least -- sparking off Seth and onto him. He presses his hips against Seth's, and moans again when he feels Seth's erection press against his own. And then he freezes, freaked out. A split second later, Seth stops too. They jump away form each other as if they are on fire.   
  
"You uh -- there's uh -- you got nothing to worry about. You're very talented," Ryan says, as he turns to leave the room, desperate to hide his hard-on, which Seth surely felt, but still. Ryan can think of nothing but getting out of the room, out of this situation which has spiraled totally out of his control.   
  
"Ryan" Seth says thickly, unsure what to say next.  
  
"You're cool. I gotta go," Ryan says, and heads into the bathroom. Seth sinks to the floor on the spot, holding his hand to his lips. 


	3. Sand

Ryan has been flipping aimlessly through channels, through comic books, through magazines all night long. He's restless, annoyed, and -- he hates to admit it -- jealous. He wonders if Seth and Summer are still out at the restaurant, or if they are back now, in the parent-free house, making out on the couch. Using the kissing advice Ryan gave him. While Ryan sits here and pines away for his probably-straight foster brother. Although, he hadn't imagined Seth's enthusiastic response to Ryan's kiss. And he certainly hasn't imagined Seth's hard cock pressing against him. Nevertheless, Seth didn't mention anything about the night over breakfast this morning, and then by the time Ryan got home from work, Seth was gone -- out on his date with Summer.   
  
Ryan showered and ate after he got home from work, and immediately sequestered himself in the pool house. He didn't want to get in their way if they came home. He'd even closed the blinds on the pool house so that if Seth and Summer decide to use the pool, he won't see anything. He figures if he hears them splashing, he'll scoot out the side door and head to the beach, giving them their privacy.   
  
But so far he's heard nothing. He can't stand sitting around anymore, so he decides to take that walk to the beach now.   
  
Walking towards the ocean, Ryan wishes he had some cigarettes -- this is exactly the kind of empty, frustrating, pensive, confusing moment in life that calls for one. He kicks at the sand a little as he walks, staring down at his feet. He almost doesn't see the figure sitting on the beach at all, but when his eyes do look up, he knows instantly it's Seth. He'd know Seth anywhere. And -- no Summer. Ryan approaches.  
  
"Early date." Ryan says, sitting next to him in the sand, careful not to touch him this time.   
  
"Yeah." Seth replies, unusually quiet.   
  
"What happened?" Ryan asks, looking at him sideways.  
  
Seth is sifting sand through his fingers, not looking at Ryan. "We kissed."   
  
"And?" Ryan asks, swallowing the hot rise of jealousy in his throat.   
  
"I, uh, did everything you suggested, starting slow and using the tongue and whatnot. A pretty good performance if I do say so myself."  
  
"She didn't agree?" Ryan asks, still struggling to achieve a tone of voice appropriate for the conversation.  
  
"No, she seemed into it -- there was even a bit of moaning and gasping, just like with yo— uh, just like you said."  
  
Ryan waited.  
  
"And she certainly brought her A game as well. Very talented, that one," Seth continues. "But uh…" Seth laughed mirthlessly.   
  
Ryan waited again.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"What do you mean 'nothing'?" Ryan asks  
  
"I mean I felt nothing, OK? It was like kissing my sister."  
  
Ryan feels a surge of joy that he immediately tamps down. "You don't have a sister," he says -- it's the first thing that pops into his mind. Something about Seth makes him do that.  
  
Seth turns to look at him for the first time. His expression is unlike anything Ryan's seen before on the boy; his eyes look hard, hurt, a little angry even. He looks away.   
  
"I've been obsessed with her for as long as I can remember, and now that she is actually interested in giving me the time of day, I..." Seth trails off. "I mean, isn't kissing someone you like supposed to make you feel lightheaded, giddy, like your nerve ends are trying to jump out of your skin and onto the other person?"  
  
Ryan smiles -- Seth has such a cute way with words, it always charms him.   
  
"Like there are no other people alive, nothing else happening in the world except that kiss, that moment." Seth continues, no longer asking but simply stating, softly, what he knows is true. "I didn't feel any of that. What does that mean?" he asks. He's staring off into space now, the look in his eyes still the same odd, hard expression Ryan noted earlier.  
  
"I don't know," Ryan says. He's pretty sure he's not being very comforting to Seth, but really, he's at a loss. He doesn't know what Seth wants to hear. He's searching Seth's face for some hint when Seth speaks again.  
  
"What does it mean that I felt all those things when I kissed you?" he asks. He turns to make eye contact briefly, and Ryan catches a heartbreakingly earnest, hopeful look in his eyes before Seth looks down again, at the sand lying motionless under his hands.   
  
Ryan is staring at Seth, mouth agape. This is everything he's desperately wanted for the past few days, weeks, and also everything he's been horrifyingly afraid of. It challenges everything about Ryan's identity, it threatens his nice safe home environment, it sets him up for a big, big heartbreak. Yet. The pull of Seth is undeniable. Ryan feels like a wave, about to crest and splash all over the sand, all over Seth.  
  
"Look, forget I said anything," Seth says, and starts to stand, brushing sand off his hands and jeans.   
  
Ryan stands too, grabs Seth's wrist. Seth stops in his tracks, still facing away.  
  
"I felt it too," Ryan says thickly.   
  
Seth turns around and stares at Ryan, making full eye contact this time.   
  
The boys stand there, staring into each other's eyes, Ryan's hand around Seth's wrist. Seth licks his dry lips, swallows. Ryan stands still, eyes wide and more expressive than Seth has ever seen -- fear, nerves, anticipation, desire.   
  
"So, uh, what, um. What do we do now?" Seth asks. But he knows the answer; he's already moving his head slowly towards Ryan's face. A split second before their lips meet, Ryan pauses. Breathing his words onto Seth's lips, he says "we go back to the pool house." 


	4. Sunlight

Ryan is awake. The sun is sifting in through the blinds, but it's way too early for a respectable teenage boy to be up and out of bed. So he lies there, on his side, looking at Seth laying there next to him. God, Ryan thinks, I was such a nervous wreck last night. They walked back to the pool house holding hands for some reason, which was sweet Ryan guessed but also really weird -- not something he had done with many people. With anyone, actually. He sort of chuckles to himself that he's dwelling on that particular "first" of the evening.   
  
Once in the pool house, dark except for traces of moonlight, Ryan had begun fidgeting around, picking up magazines and CDs off the bed and stacking them on a chair. Then he got a little freaked out at how that might look presumptuous, like they were definitely going to get in bed together, when Ryan wasn't even sure that's what he wanted. Not so fast, at least. So he moved the stack back on the bed so the chairs were cleared. Then he started straightening the covers on the bed, and he knocked the stack onto the floor. Finally Seth stepped in -- the suave one for once -- and picked the stack of crap up off the floor, set it on a table, and put his hand on Ryan's elbow.   
  
When Seth kissed him at first, it had felt really awkward -- they were both so nervous. But the warm wetness of Seth's mouth, the cool, smooth line of his neck, the heat of his chest through his shirt -- it was so intensely good that any freaked out feelings melted out of Ryan, and the supreme rightness of being with Seth came flooding back in. The kiss had soon escalated to the passion of the previous night, with hands sliding over each others' arms, chests, backs, first over their t-shirts and then skin to glorious skin when Seth shocked him by tugging both their shirts off, starting with Ryan's.   
  
Ryan was glad the bed was cleared off when they fell onto it, a tangle of groping hands and probing tongues. They must have spent hours kissing every inch of each other's upper bodies, returning again and again to each other's mouths. They pressed their hips against each other, rocking slowly at times, and other times more urgently. At a couple of moments, Ryan let his hand drop down to the waistband of Seth's jeans, but never farther. And Seth didn't even go that far. Eventually they passed out from exhaustion, although at some point someone must have felt a chill and pulled covers over the both of them.  
  
Ryan wonders if he would have been as cautious and slow about going below the belt if Seth were a girl. What if Seth were Marissa? It is so hard to conjure up her name now, what she means to Ryan. What does she mean? Because Ryan is still attracted to her. Isn't he? Or at least, intrigued. Maybe I'm actually gay, Ryan thinks. But that seems like such a foreign concept to him. He doesn't know how he feels about that, the identity of "gay." Everything about his life lately feels so confusing, up in the air. He looks over at Seth, asleep, adorable, desirable. At least Ryan knows how he feels about Seth, how he feels about last night.   
  
He reaches over to touch Seth's shoulder, and slides his hand under the sheet and down the side of Seth's chest, waist, hip. Seth shifts a little, but he's still asleep. Ryan lets his hand drop forward, and is startled by Seth's erection. Ryan wasn't expecting that, although Ryan's certainly had his share of morning erections. He just hadn't thought... well, he'd never thought about other guys and their erections, morning or otherwise, before. Ryan moves his hand -- which he had jerked away as if touching something too hot -- back to Seth's fly. He feels the outline of Seth's cock through his jeans, all the while searching Seth's face for signs of waking up. He begins a slow rhythmic stroke, becoming more and more entranced with the feel of Seth's hard cock. Seth finally opens his eyes, blinking thickly, and Ryan watches as a string of realizations flash across Seth's face: there's another person in bed with him, that person is Ryan, that person is rubbing his dick, Ryan is rubbing his dick. Ryan gives a small smile and asks quietly, "is this OK?"  
  
"Uh, oh god, yes," Seth says, his voice deeper than normal, maybe from sleep, maybe from arousal.   
  
Still staring into Seth's eyes, Ryan moves his hand to the button on Seth's jeans, and half undoes it. He asks, "How about this?"   
  
He's still waiting for a response from Seth as he pulls the button all the way undone, and puts his fingers on the tab of the zipper. Seth looks ... shocked, afraid, thrilled -- Ryan can't tell.  
  
"Seth?" he asks again.  
  
"Yes." Seth squeaks out, then blinks, clears his throat, and reaches down to help Ryan pull his jeans and boxers off. 


End file.
